Seven Steps That Help Couples Stop Fighting Over Money

If you’re in relationship, especially if you’re married, chances are you’ve had your fights over money. Financial feuds are the No. 1 reason for divorce

  • Understand the Meaning of Money
  • What are you really fighting about? Money is much more than currency–it stands for control, freedom and dreams. To stop fighting over money, you have to assess what money means to you and your partner.

    Solution: Money means very different things to each of us, and understanding the meaning of money for you and your spouse is the first step toward reconciling your differences. You will need to sit down together and discuss with each other how you feel about money.

  • Take a Time-Out
  • However much your partner’s financial habits are driving you crazy, take a step back from those feelings.

    Solution: No blaming him/her for that expensive item bought; if you want to break the cycle of constant fighting, you have to agree to work together and start fresh.

  • Sit Down Together
  • Now comes the hard part: you have to assess your financial situation.

    Solution: So face these numbers together, openly and honestly. And remember: no blame. Take this opportunity to take stock of your finances, everything from bills, debt, to any retirement accounts or other investments you may have.

  • Set Goals
  • What do you want to have, to do or to be as a couple? What are your dreams?

    Solution: Write down those goals; you’ll use them in the next step.

  • Make a Budget
  • Now that you’ve assessed your finances honestly and talked about your dreams, it’s time to sit down and make a budget … together.

    Solution: Even if one of you pays the bills, it’s important you both take ownership in your financial plans. Aside from making sure the bills are paid, you should add two things to your new budget. First, allow each of you to have some cash that you don’t have to be accountable for. Call it mad money or an allowance, it’s important that you allow her to buy that pair of shoes without feeling guilty, and for him to have lunch out of the office a few times a week. That personal financial space will allow you to let go a bit, and feed your meaning of money from step one. Even if you’re on a tight budget, set a bit of money aside for each of you personally.

  • Stay on Track
  • With a new budget, financial goals and an “allowance”‘ for each of you, you should already feel the improvement in your relationship

    Solution: Change can be difficult, though, and you may need to remind each other of your dreams and budget from time to time. Never do this in the spirit of anger, be willing to talk with each other and sometimes you will need to compromise.

  • Always Remember
  • You are in this together and as long as you keep the lines of communication open, discuss the challenges and make changes as needed, you can succeed and reach your financial goals.


    Call me for a complimentary financial analysis. I can help you create your success plan so that you can stop fighting and start living.

    Ruby Shoals
    Financial Educator
    Independent Life Insurance Agent

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